


Downhill

by Closed_Eyes



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Codependency, Dark, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Guns, Lima Syndrome, M/M, No beta we die like dummys, No minors are involved in romantic or sexual relationships, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Psychological Horror, Rating May Change, Sexual Tension, Stockholm Syndrome, Suicidal Thoughts, Survival Horror, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:48:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29582604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Closed_Eyes/pseuds/Closed_Eyes
Summary: Of feral children, timid teenagers, fucked up adults and zombies! Sounds like a blast, am I right?OrThings keep getting worse, the book.
Relationships: Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	1. Things go bad, really quick.

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy!

Ray was a lanky, anxious and jittery teenager when shit had hit the fan, he was honestly surprised and proud of himself for making it as far as this.

It took the world by surprise, one day it had been a stray case in some third-world country that not a lot of people cared about, the next it was his neighbor eating his still alive and screaming daughter.

Ray thought he should've cared more for the twelve year old but he was too busy scrambling and grabbing things he wasn't even sure he needed before bolting away to the medium sized forest surrounding his town.

He wasn't an athletic person by any stretch of the word but fear and adrenaline was good enough to have him levelling town by night, which, granted, wasn't really the best idea.

The first night had been a nightmare that he couldn't wake up from for the sole fact that he hadn't dared to close his eyes for more than it was needed for them to stay wet and alert. Every little noise caused him to hide or scamper up the nearest tree, by the time the sun had risen he felt almost as dead as the gory looking corpses roaming around.

From then on it was an on and off battle with himself to figure out the next step, part of him had wanted to resign, jump off the nearest tall-enough building and kiss his life goodbye, the other, much more cowardly, part of him wanted to stay alive off of wild berries, river water and small animals, this other part of himself completely ignored the fact that Ray had never hunted before, didn't even know where a river would be and if he tried to eat any berries he was sure to die to those instead of the plague rapidly infesting the world, and what a pathetic way to go that would be.

It had took him another entire day for him to take stock of the things he had grabbed in his old school backpack, two water bottles with (probably) stale water in them, a bag of chips, four bread pieces that had meant to be his lunch that fateful day, his phone with only 75% of battery left, his charger (he didn't know whether to smack himself for that one or congratulate himself for thinking ahead), a small picture of his cat who he hoped had been smart enough to run and still be alive, he desperately hoped so and lastly a sketchbook and art supplies.

Ray cursed his brain for fixating on the arts instead of anything remotely useful for the hundredth time in his life and took a deep breath.

There really wasn't much he could do besides going back to his house to get more supplies and get killed or stay in the forest until he ran out of food and starved to death, he decided that at least in his house he could check if his cat was still alive before his brain was sucked out of him.

With little energy left he traveled back at a much slower pace he would've liked to, it took him half a day back to his house (he didn't move much during the night, still not able to sleep for fear of waking up a slobbering corpse).

He didn't know if he was somehow more sneaky than he thought he was or luck was finally kissing his face a bit but Ray wasn't about to question it either.

When he got to his home it was exactly as he had left it, a mess and a half and gingerly looked around for his cat. He remembered his older brother (and managed to not cry about it) saying that if there was ever an zombie apocalypse a dog would be much useful than a cat, Ray had been mildly annoyed by this and the both of them had argued until they decided that either way the best way to deal with any Apocalypse was killing themselves, it was a shame Ray couldn't bring himself to do it as he was sure his brother had (at that he left a stray tear run down his cheek before angrily swiping at it).

After a thorough search of the house (which only meant sneaking around and checking for movement) he decided that his cat was not there and so he moved to his second priority, supplies.

When Ray opened the fridge door he half expected the stench of rotten food so he kept his gags silent before reaching in to check what he could keep.

As it turns out, most things inside fridges are there because without it they become a health hazard so he moved to the pantry, he grabbed a box of matches, a pan and every little can he found inside his cabinets, even the disgusting soup his mom had gifted him in one of his visits, he wasn't sure if he could bring himself to eat it, it might have been the last thing from his mom he had left, then he packed salt and other spices in little plastic bags.

Ray took another deep breath to still his nerves and grabbed his, now, fuller backpack. He had been in the house for too long now but he needed a few more things, gingerly he made his way to his room and started looking for clothes. 

He wasn't sure if the sleep deprivation had made him smarter instead of dumber or his panicked brain was just copying what he had seen in movies, either way he grabbed a handful of clothes and shoved them into his backpack, once that was done he fought with himself again.

He had everything he needed so what next? The side of him that had wanted to jump off suggested ransacking a store for medicine, if he found injured people he could bargain with them, the cowardly side recoiled at the thought of doing such a thing to another human being and instead proposed that he found a group of people to travel with, Ray, again, struggled to make a decision and it was then that he finally heard the slow and dragging footsteps making their way through his house.

He remembered feeling his heart beating like a mouse's would, squeezing his hands over his chest out of irrational fear that the undead would be able to hear it, he quietly made his way towards his bedroom window, holding his breath an gently opening it, distantly his mind replayed a similar scenario, the only difference was that instead of a living corpse he had been running away from it had been his pissed off mother, the danger levels felt exactly the same to Ray and so he quietly and oh so gently made his way out of the room and the house.

Quickly and quietly, fueled only by both the present and past fear, he made his way back out of the town, never to come back.

He remembered living in the forest for a week or two before the exhaustion finally caught up to him and he decided to make his way to a nearby city, the travel has been hard but with his mind made up he forced himself to get at least 2 hours of sleep each night, every passing moment cleanly washing away memories of loved ones the he dared not to think about, he buried everything under panic, the little food he had and hours upon hours of being dimly aware of his surrounding as his mind wandered fantastic realms where he was a saviour and not the little coward he really was, he remembered having hoped to get killed while on his musings, a quick death that wouldn't let him out of his mind to process it but it didn't happen, in fact, he was more than capable of sneaking around and being cautious enough to not get caught, even in that state of mind, Ray didn't know whether to be grateful for his upbringing or curse at it hoping to alleviate a bit of his heartache.

When he made it to the city he felt as prepared as he could have been as he made it in, he first had looked for survivors then chastised himself for it, he was here to find a place to sleep, not to make friends, that didn't stop him from looking though.

Ray still remembers her face, her eyes were an almost fiery blue, a scowl on her face which made her light freckles funny looking, she had brown hair that looked dirty and dried blood ran down her face.

Ray had never seen a 15 year old girl look more intimidating, he remembers her lunging at him from her hidey hole, knife in hand and tackling him down, he had tried to move but when he felt the cold metal against his neck he decided against it.

"What do you want?" She had hissed at him, legs on each side of his torso and pinning him down.

"I— uh, sleep, mostly? Ye- yeah," Ray's lips twisting into a nervous little smile, eyes big and scared, and then his brain scrambled to say more, "Um— not in the way that, uh, mafia people? Say? Not like, sleep with the fish kinda thing but more like, morpheo? He was the god of sleep or— well, I'm not sure, he could've been the titan of it—" and he cut himself off, whimpering slightly as the knife pressed harder on his skin, a bud of blood breaking through his skin, he had desperately hoped that the knife wasn't infected.

He remembered the look in her eyes then, one of a predator, amused but annoyed at their prey, he didn't like how it fitted so perfectly on her young face.

"Don't babble, speak what is necessary," She had instructed and he nodded his head, after some consideration she stood up from him and pocketed the knife away, "How old are you?" 

Ray swallowed and thought about lying, if he pretended to be younger and sheltered she could maybe take pity on him but— no, she would know, he felt it in his chest, "Uh, 18?... You?" 

She had looked at him, eyes piercing through his very soul and— yeah, she would've known if he had lied, "15 but that doesn't matter here or now, does it? Stand up, we are leaving," and it was final as she turned around to pick up a discarded backpack he hadn't noticed.

Scrambling he had picked himself off the floor and hastily followed after her, later he learned that her name was Madison but told him to refer to her as Mad, he was too afraid to poke fun at her choice of nickname.


	2. Mistakes are bound to happen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In hindsight, Ray should've known better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk if it's clear but during this chapter the time aligns and Ray stops "remembering" things and it becomes present past! Let me know if its clear or not so I can fix it!  
> Anyhow, Enjoy!

The first few months of Ray travelling with Mad were confusing, he had at first tried to approach her as a sort of older brother figure and had received a black eye and several scratches for his care. Once he had even tried to be a fatherly figure and what he got from that were bruises all over his arms and a split lip, soon after that he stopped trying to approach her all together.

As it turns out, he learned, the best way to deal with Mad was pretty much like how they had met, letting her take the first step.

It had been three months by then, Ray had been gathering wood and sticks for a small campfire, Mad had managed to catch… something, she had assured him he didn't news to know, and they were planning on eating it roasted, truth to be told, Ray was terrified of the possibility of the undead smelling their dinner and eating both him and Mad instead but she had assured him she had scouted the area so he had to "Stop being such a whiny baby and get us some fucking wood" and so he did.

When he made it to the little hideout they had deemed as their rest stop he dropped the sticks on a neat bundle and pulled out a match, once the fire had started he looked around for what to do while he waited for Mad to come back. Just then he heard footsteps behind him and he wasn't fast enough to duck or roll out of the way, Ray's lungs screamed in protest at the sudden pressure on them as be found himself on his belly, looking at the more mere inches from the fire, distantly he thought he should at least scream to warn Mad, that was when he heard a growl, an awfully familiar growl.  
"You are slow, could've killed you," Her voice grumbled next to his ear and he puffed.

"You could… not jump on me? That's a- that's an option," he muttered before trying to push her off, she went easily, glaring at him once she sat down besides him.  
"That's besides the point, are you going to tell the zombie's to not jump on you?" She questioned, pulling from her backpack a red and gory looking thing.  
He looked at it for a few seconds before replying, "I think that by the time they are on top of me is game over, I'd just lie down and hope they get a vital organ first," Ray shrugged, he was familiar with death and it didn't bother him, he wouldn't — couldn't — search death for himself but he wouldn't fight it if it had him pinned to the ground.

"You are annoying, I'm going to have to do something about that," She had angrily muttered and if the circumstances had been different, and if she hadn't been stabbing — what he assumed was — that night's dinner with her knife, he would've laughed at how moody she looked, but the circumstances were not different so he simply nodded.

"Why do you care if I die?" Ray asked, finally breaking the silence as Mad started roasting the meat.  
"Don't care, you are pitiful, that's all," She said too calmly and calculated for her usual brash responses but he didn't probe any further, both in knowledge and in fear that the girl could drop his portion of the food into the fire and have him starve until morning.

After that Mad had kept Ray on his toes, forbidding him from slacking and whenever they weren't running for their lives, Ray was running because of "training" as Mad liked to call it, he doubted it was for that but if chasing an 18 year old around with a knife in her hand gave her a semblance of control over her life he could give her that.

He didn't pity Mad, to do that he would have to stop being scared of her but he did feel empathy and grief for her lost teenage years, if he ever expressed those sentiments in front of her she punched him in the gut and told him to "toughen up" so he kept that to himself.

Travelling with someone was strange, Ray decided, on one hand he had someone to rely on and ask for help when needed, on the other he slept haltingly, waking up every so often to check that Mad hadn't bored of him and decided to kill him. The few times they had managed to sleep at the same time also left him feeling lost and confused because whenever they were in a safe place (or that Mad deemed safe, Ray didn't trust himself to do that type of decisions) Mad ordered him around for a few hours, setting up camp and then told him to lay down, as soon as he did she pressed her face against his back, threw one of her legs on top of his own and circled his chest with one of her arms, the first time this happened he had made an off comment about cuddling, she kicked him for it and he quickly learned there was nothing tender or nice about it.  
The way Ray understood it was that Mad liked to be possessive, so she did that in case anyone found them, he wasn't short of believing she would growl at them like an actual animal if they came close.

As the days passed Ray became both more confused and accommodating to Mad, She wanted to bite at him for messing up? Sure, as long as he didn't end up bleeding, Mad wanted him to cut her hair? He could do that, he remembered a time where his own hair was long and had decided to cut it, cutting Mad's hair didn't make him feel like he had adrenaline shooting up his blood so he didn't really complain.

She didn't like him getting hurt either, it had happened a few times, sure but whenever that happened she acted weird, being both abrasive and kind, as if she couldn't decided whether to beat the ever loving shit out of him or cradle and coo at him for being careless, Ray knew Mad probably had unresolved issues but he didn't really mind indulging her as long as she didn't step over any lines and she didn't, hell, he remembered when she had accidentally grabbed slightly lower than his torso when trying to get comfy to sleep, Ray remembered how cold he felt suddenly, all of his body trembling as he scrambled away in a blind panic.

Mad understood that the world hadn't been kind to either of them and kept her hands carefully on his torso, minding whenever she moved too low.

Ray liked Mad, not in the way one could like a girlfriend (he had never wanted a girlfriend), but in the way you like that one slightly aggressive friend, she felt safe and known and so he just whimpered whenever she used his arms as a chew toy.

For once, it had been Mad's mistake, they had been in a new area (both of them deciding that a city with no people wasn't really a city), scouting and scouring for food and supplies, Mad had got a nasty cut from their last escaped and had used the last of their bandages so now they needed more.

"I want you to cover the left side Ray, no fuck ups, if you get injured I'm going to make sure you don't eat for the next three days, you hear me?" She had barked at him, the threats were empty, he knew but that didn't stop him from nodding frantically.  
"Got it," he said in a meek voice and she grinned sharply before bolting off to her own side.

He made his way towards his own with trembling legs, he didn't really like to be away from Mad for long periods of time, he was a coward and fully embraced it, he couldn't fight and couldn't really survive on his own, Mad was the exact opposite and so he had relayed on her for all the scary things, killing zombies and sometimes survivors who had been unfortunate and gotten themselves crushed under debry and couldn't get out, it was gruesome but if he questioned how Mad felt about it she would just glare at him until he dropped it.

Ray had been sneaking around, as he knew how to do, through an abandoned store, most of the things there were trash and he was disappointed to see it had already been ransacked, it was during his sulking that he heard it.

Dragged footsteps, a lot of them, and as soon as his brain processed this his heart began thrumming like a caged bird again, he felt his hands get clammy and for one terrible second he didn't know what to do, then he heard Mad's angry voice barking at him to move his ass in his head and so he did.

Ray was too busy with the situation at hand to question his sanity for hearing the girl's voice in his mind, chalking it up as a natural response and quickly letting it go.  
He, as silently as possible, tried to make his way around the undead to the door, keeping his head low and carefully tuning out the rotten stench that the decayed bodies expulsed as he inched towards the door.  
Then everything went to shit, he didn't know when, or how, but out of seemingly nowhere another person rushed past him, banging some stands making enough noise to alert half of the zombie population near them, Ray hadn't even gotten a good look at them before he himself had to run, the zombies were alert and hungry.

All he could hear besides his own thundering heart were the growls and shrieks behind him, what worried him was how close they sounded, he wasn't sure where exactly he was be he knew he had to lose them fast so he started jumping fences carelessly and hastily, putting things such as cars between him and the creatures, in hopes of slowing them down.

Not five minutes and he was panting, struggling with his backpack to jump another fence, mentally he wondered if the undead had stamina or they just moved limbs like some sort of magic, he didn't have a lot of time to wander as he was tackled to the ground.  
And that was that, this was how he died, Ray was sure, "I made it longer than I thought I would," He reasoned with himself, umable to feel pride in the slightest, as he waited for his last second to end he closed his eyes, praying that the bite would be fatal.

Ray hadn't realized he could still hear his pounding heart in his ears until after a few seconds, no excruciating pain or the nothingness he had been expecting, just his heart and then hands, hands grabbing and yanking him up and pulling him to his feet, then he was on the run again, being pulled by someone his brain refused to process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	3. Upgrade.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New can mean both bad and good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayy, I hope I didnt have any spelling errors

His head didn't clear of the adrenaline until much later when he was sitting at a place he didn't recognize, an old blanket that wasn't his draped over his shoulders and holding what seemed to be hot tea.

Calmly, almost lazily, he looked around, the place was dusty but didn't seem worse for wear other than that, a few graffiti's here and there but hey, standard's were low. His eyes took the place first and a second thought recognized other people there, three to be exact, two athletic looking and the other more delicate, the delicate one seemed to be younger than the other two, they spoke in hushed voices and saw one of them even do a slight nod at his direction, almost doing a double take when they noticed him staring.

The first one to approach did so carefully but with a smile on their face, "Welcome back! You were a little out of it for a while, are you doing alright?" His voice, Ray assumed he was a he, was clear and smooth and it was deep, typically masculine, his demeanor was charming and welcoming, as if greeting an old friend and immediately Ray felt uncomfortable.

Not like that was uncommon, so Ray gave him a lopsided and dumb looking smile, "Uh, yeah! I think I am okay? What's your name? Mine's Ray," he offered, timidly, torn between being friendly and acting as Mad would've wanted him to act— Wait, Mad, where was she?

"The name's James, the girl is Andy and the small one is Will," James smiled and Ray could easily see more than a few people swooning over it.

"I'm not small, you are just a fucking giant," The younger one — Will, he reminded himself — argued, still safely behind James and shooting cautious glances at Ray.

The girl — Andy, remember names, Ray — sighed, "What did I say about cursing, Will?" 

"That's I shouldn't do it but considering our situation I think I'm entitled to cursing," The teen said, sticking his tongue at her, Ray felt uneasy watching this, feeling like he should be elsewhere, dealing with his own feral teenager.

"Excuse me? But, uh, I don't presume you've seen a girl, feral looking, knife in hand, blue eyes?" He asked glancing between James and Andy, feeling like they probably had their shit more together than Will.

He regretted asking almost instantly, James gave him a sympathetic look, "There was no one with you and we didn't see anyone while we carried you here, sorry."

James didn't have to say it but Ray knew what he was thinking, so he decided to correct him, "She's not dead, she is probably worried sick but I'm sure it will be fine," then a nervous smile pulled at his lips, self conscious of how confident he had sounded. He pulled his knees up to his chest, making himself small, almost unconsciously.

James' eyes softened and Andy gave him yet another sympathetic look but this time with a smile that screamed pity, she was the one to approach and kneel besides him, gingerly putting a hand on his back, "Yeah, she's probably fine, let's worry about you first though, you had a nasty fall, does it hurt anywhere?" She spoke softly as if he was fragile.

Ray thought for a second, willing himself to accept the comfort and nodded, "Yeah, I think scraped my knees and arms a bit, should be fine but thank you, are you heading somewhere or just, uh, backpacking?" He asked, careful not to remind them of the literal Apocalypse, they seemed to be too well adapted for his liking and he didn't want to incite any violence.

James snorted good naturedly at that and his shoulders relaxed, he messed Will's hair, who still seemed suspicious of Ray, and then sat down on the other side of him, "You could say that, how about you?" 

Ray discreetly eyed Will as he sat down as well, quietly trying to assess him before he replied to James, "Yeah, same, we were going to scout the area for medical supplies before, well— I thought Mad had told me this place was mostly untouched from her scouting before we came here."

"Mad?" Andy asked curiously, still absentmindedly rubbing circles on his back, it was soothing but he worried about her intentions nonetheless.

"The girl I travel with, her name is Madison but she goes by Mad," Ray shrugged, he had stopped caring about how it sounded a long time ago.

This time Will spoke up, "Mad? That sounds a bit— you know? Dumb, like something a 12 year old would name their edgy Oc," he wore a mean little smile and Ray wondered if he would get along with her or if Mad would kill him on sight.

"Well, I think Mad is a nice name," James said, giving the younger a little push, Ray could practically see him giving the other a look.

Andy clapped her hands, bringing attention to her, "Alright, enough talk, why don't we have dinner? Ray, you can stay with us while you look for Mad if you want, you are more than welcome," She smiled brightly at him as sputtering and half made protests came from the other two, who promptly shut up at her glare.

Ray thought about it for maybe five seconds before replying, "Yeah, sure, safety in numbers and all," He smiled at Andy and she seemed delighted by his answer.

"Great! Now, James, could you please cook dinner, Will help him as well, I'll scout the area for danger and when I give you the signal you can start the fire," She commanded and then glanced at Ray, "If you are feeling better you can accompany me if you'd like."

"Uh, sure?" Ray said, setting the untouched tea aside and standing up, stretching his cold limbs, trying to get some blood in them, he ignored James giggle, not wanting to know anything about it as he walked up to Andy.

As they stepped outside she looked at him, "Have you ever surveyed a place?" He shook his head and she hummed before nodding, "All you have to do is be quiet and kill any zombies you see, easy, right?"

Ray didn't have the guts to tell her he had never killed an undead before so he just nodded, praying to any deity left in this world that there wouldn't be any of those creatures on his side.

Andy clapped him on the back, told him good luck and went off her own side, leaving him with an unpleasant feeling of déjà vu.

Ray found himself slowly and carefully making his way around the refuge, now that he was looking at it from outside he could see it had been at some point a warehouse, probably ransacked during the first few weeks of the plague making itself known. As his eyes scanned the walls he found himself staring at what seemed to be a drawing, probably done before everything, it seemed to be one of a child and what looked like a puppy, it could have also been a cat for all he knew but he didn't have much time to think about it before he heard a crunching noise, cursing under his breath he ducked slightly, hands reaching for a weapon, weapon that he didn't have with him, fuck.

With panic raising under his skin he looked around, frantically scrambling his brain for anything that could be used as a means of defending himself, his eyes landed on a rock about the size of his fist and he reached for it.

Now feeling slightly less vulnerable he silently made his way towards the noise, raising the rock slightly above his lips so he could bash whatever it had been immediately upon sight, he only hoped he was strong enough to do so, an enraged undead wouldn't be good to deal with.

As he got closer and closer he could distinguish a hunched figure in the shadows of a nearby building, it appeared to be small and the noises coming from it almost made Ray want to skip dinner altogether, nevertheless, he silently creeped up on it, raising the rock higher to get a good hit on it.

"Ray! You done over there?" Came Andy's hushed voice, quiet enough to not alert the whole city but not quiet enough for the creature in from of him to not hear it, Ray wanted to let out a scream of terror as it turned around, unusually fast, and it's face revealed to him, Ray didn't give himself time to see just how utterly _wrong_ it was and bashed the rock against it's head as hard as he could.

The warbled noise that came from it was satisfying but that feeling didn't last long as it's arms lashed out, Ray hadn't noticed this but the creature had sharp claws instead of human fingers, once again he didn't have time to be terrorized by this before it lashed out at him.

He had never been the fastest of his class and so the sharp razors caught his side and one of his arms, pain bloomed from the cuts and his breath stuttered, still, he pushed himself away from it, scrambling to get away before it caused more damage. 

A terrified whimper made through his tight throat and he wished Mad was here, she would've finished this thing in less than five seconds and then scowl at him for being stupid but then she would treat his wounds and make him feel safe again but she wasn't here and the thing launched at him.

Ray's mouth opened and a hand covered it as he let out the scream he had been nursing ever since seeing the hunched figure, things around him looked almost slow motion around him as he screamed, the hand over his mouth wasn't his, neither was the warmth behind him or the extended hand with a hunting knife, plunging into the creatures throat.

For a second, he thought Mad was there, that she had somehow sensed him in danger and had run where he was and saved him, he almost wanted to cry and then the creature made a high pitched noise and finally stopped flailing.

As it wash pushed off of him and the hand let go of him he panted, desperately trying to get much needed air into his lungs, Ray scrambled back from whoever had saved him and turned around, being greeted by the bloody visage of Andy, she was panting as well, her eyes were blown wide in fear and slowly, her eyes turned from the creature to him.

The look on her face made him whimper as shivers shot up his spine, his feet scrambled to get away from her before she grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards her.

"R— Ray, calm down, it's me, you are okay, alright?" She panted through her words, the smile pulling at her lips couldn't decide between being insane or relieved, "Sorry, I probably shouldn't have called for you, I'm sorry."

Ray glanced at her and she did seem apologetic, they were close, he could almost breathe in the same air her mouth pushed out, despite it he gave her a small smile, it was meant to be reassuring but came off as scared instead, "It's fine, god, thank you, I thought I was dead."

Andy's smile relaxed and so did her grip on him, "Yeah, it's fine, uh, are you hurt?"

Ray simply nodded, taking off his jacket to show his injuries, the sharp intake of air didn't reassure him but he couldn't bring himself to look.

"Alright, le- let's get back, yeah? We'll treat that and then you can eat and go to sleep."

Ray faintly realized she spoke to him the way his mother had spoken to him before, back when he was a chd who still couldn't take of himself, he decided he didn't want to go down that rabbit hole and simply nodded.

Carefully, Andy helped him up, throwing one of his arms around her shoulders to support his weight as they made it back to the hideout.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! See y'all in the next update


	4. Keep it in your pants.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray has a talk.

As they walked Ray pondered not for the first time why he hadn't just ended it all back at the beginning of everything, he really wished he had, back then he hadn't had anyone who would have cared if he had died but now? Now he had Mad to worry about, and these new people who he still didn't how to feel about, they moved around each other with a familiarity that made his heart ache in a way he wasn't entirely comfortable with, his pondering was cut short as Andy and him crossed the threshold of the refuge, she gingerly left him resting against a wall as she rushed to close the doors.

He closed his eyes, searching his brain for anything that might distract him from the throbbing pain on his side and arm, that didn't make him think about how it _shouldn't_ be throbbing, he had felt cuts before, deep and angry ones though he wasn't sure if as deep as the ones he sported now but he knew they weren't supposed to throb like this and that scared him.

"Damn, she did a number on you, hm?" Ray wrenched his eyes open just in time to see James wink at him in what he assumed was "suggestive" a few feet in front of him, he cringed and tried to shrink on himself, only achieving to make his pain worse and himself grunt.

Thankfully he didn't have to profusely explain that it wasn't like that to James because at that moment Andy rushed to his side, once again supporting Ray's weight on her as she began instructing James and Will to set up the fire and to bring her medical supplies.

Ray would've loved to see James' expression as he was dragged to a blanket laid out on the floor, he suspected it was the one he had been using before, but unfortunately his vision swam and he felt nausea start to blossom at the back of his throat.

He heard an argument break out as he was laid down, half shouts and hissed replies, he didn't think it was actually loud but it rang through his ears and his nausea worsened as he smelled the start of the campfire, whining he closed his eyes, hoping to reprieve the attack on his senses.

Distantly, he felt a warm hand take his jacket and shirt off. Ray would've struggled more if he didn't feel like moving a single muscle would've made him throw up.

He felt a damp, cold towel being dropped over his forehead, a delirious smile pulled at his lips when a memory of his mom doing this to him when he was a child resurged through the haze. He had been small and he had loved going outside in the sun, perhaps too much.

It had been summer and he had been under the blazing heat for hours on end, with no breaks under the shadow of a tree or water bottles. He remembered having come home feeling as if was floating, almost had passed out if his mom hadn't noticed.Ray — who at the time hadn't been named Ray — had laid in bed, deliriously telling his mother that he could feel the sky crashing down on him, over and over again. She had been gentle with him, affectionately caressing his face and praying to her God for his safety.

If Ray hadn't felt as if the sky was crashing on top of him all over again he would've felt the fat tears rolling down his cheeks as he slipped into painfully comforting darkness.

It was hours later when he awoke, groggily stretching before a sharp pain reminded him of his little scuffle with the undead creature. He hoped he hadn't been a bother to Andy and her group.

Slowly he sat up, careful to not stretch his injuries too much as he looked around. The campfire seemed to have been doused and he saw two sleeping figures a little bit away from him. In the darkness he tried to recognize who was who to no avail; it was at that moment that he felt something cold and hard being pressed against the back of his head, his heart simultaneously stopped and accelerated.

"Stand up, doll, we are going to have a talk," Came James' hushed voice. Ray heard a click and he scattered to stand up at the same time that a hand yanked up him by the collar of his jacket — when was that returned? — and he hissed at the sharp pain yet again reminding him to make soft moves.

Timidly he peered back at James, he held a gun on his left hand as he dragged him with the hand still fisted on his jacket. Ray hissed at the rough treatment; silently praying the other wouldn't get pissed for his noises and decided to put a bullet in his brain.

James yanked him out of the refuge; where he slammed Ray against a wall, crowding him against it, gun lightly pressing under his jaw.

"Alright, you are going to either tell me why I shouldn't kill you right now or I pull the trigger and end your pathetic little existence because unlike my sister, I don't like leeches," James hissed at him, face so close that he could smell his breath, it wasn't as bad as it could've been all in all.

"Huh?" Ray replied distractedly, which earned him fingers poking at his injuries; he gave a strangled cry.

"Speak." James didn't seem like he was joking.

"I'm.. I'm sorry? I don't — I don't understand?" Ray quickly glanced down at them, breath hitching when the barrel of the gun pressed harder against him, "Uh— I mean! I can leave if you want? I was going to offer that once everyone woke but you kinda beat me to it," a humourless little laugh which only made the situation more uncomfortable made way out him as he stared nervously at the man in front of him.

James squinted his eyes and a shiver ran down Ray's spine, he wished the wall would suddenly swallow him only so he could get away from such a sharp gaze.

"Hm, why should I trust you? As far as I'm concerned you are going to attract every single zombie in the vicinity before you leave," he said, pressing even closer. Ray's heart fluttered like a bird in a cage, "You seem to have very poor luck, doll, I mean c'mon! Two near death experiences in one day? Both times were you saved by one of us? That seems a bit too coincidental wouldn't you think?"

Ray felt numbness start to spread through his body, "Yeah, you are right bu— but it wasn't a coincidence," he whimpered, gathering the courage to defend himself, "When you guys found me I had been running from a store that I was ransacking because someone had ran past me and made a mess, making the- the zombies to zero on me! And the one yesterday? I was going to kill it when Andy called out to me! It wasn't my fault!" Ray hated how shrill his voice became by the end of the sentence. He hoped James was reasonable, that he could see that he wasn't lying; a tiny part of him offered him the terrible possibility that James knew and that he didn't care, just itching to kill someone who couldn't fight back. He swallowed a whimper.

James made a noise and seemed to consider, hope blossomed inside Ray's chest.

"The store, what was the name of it? What did it look like?" He asked, calm despite the urgent edge of his words.

Ray's blossom of hope shattered in a million pieces. He had never had a good memory, even less during stressful situations.

Ray swallowed and frantically tried to remember; his brain uselessly offered flashes of concrete, of doors ajar with… "It had white outer walls?" He said hesitantly before the look on James' face told him that wasn't enough. Flashes of colors went by his mind's eye lightning fast, what had been the name of the stupid store!? He remembered Mad making a joke about it; Mad joked rarely and so he had made it a point to remember when she did, what had she said? Something about reliable—

"Uh! John's Old Reliable…?" Ray asked, voice quivering. He almost felt like when the teachers had asked him questions he should've known but didn't; the only difference here was that if he got it wrong he wouldn't get another chance.

James' eyes hardened, he seemed to be considering, he clicked his tongue and Ray barely held back his flinch.

"That's where we sent Will to scourge," He finally said after a few seconds of silence. Taking a step back he sighed, warily eyeing the trembling boy in front of him before stuffing his gun in his back pocket, "It seems that we owe _you_ an apology then, I'm sorry for the whole—" he gestured vaguely between them— "threatening thing, when Andy said that an accident had happened yesterday I assumed– well it doesn't matter what I assumed, it was incorrect; I'll make sure Will also apologizes."

The change in demeanor would've given anyone whiplash but Ray was too busy not falling to his knees right there and then; relief flooding through his body as he stared at the taller man. Belatedly he realized the other probably expected an answer.

"It's alright, not the first time someone assumes incorrect things about me, Uh…" Ray's face heated up a bit; clearing his throat he waltzed right past that, "Uh, I can still leave if you all want, I really should start looking for Mad…"

"No!" James exclaimed and Ray flinched. He spoke again, softer this time, "No, I mean, you can stay… if you want," James once again gestured at him, "You still need to recover and all… why don't we get you insides, yeah?" He seemed to consider and then spoke up again, "Would it be too much trouble if what happened just now was kept between us?" James' smile made him look away. He wasn't a snitch anyways.

"Yeah, no worries, this stays between us, yep," Ray gave an awkward thumbs up before dropping his arms again, wincing when he brushed against his cuts.

"Right, those, you should be more careful, you got some stitches, would be bad if they opened," Ray didn't care to find out if that was a threat or genuine concern so he nodded minutely; once again a small part of him reminded him that James had been the one to cause damage to them in the first place, Ray dismissed the thought as soon as the other started to gently lead him inside.

In the refuge waited a semi-awake Andy and a busy Will, who seemed to be the one making breakfast, if the utensils laying beside him as he struggled to light the fire said anything, Andy's still sleepy face lit up once she spotted the both of them.

"Good morning! What were you guys doing outside? How are your injuries, Ray? Hope you didn't move much while you slept, there was a bit of a nasty liquid inside them and it was hell getting it back out, it took even longer for your fever to break out," She said this in one breath, as her eyes darted between the two.

Ray felt James eyes on him; he smiled and replied, "Yep, everything fine, I think I moved a little and it kinda hurts, a lot, right now, not as bad as yesterday but— yeah, oh, also, thanks for treating my wounds, you didn't really have to," As he spoke James eyes left him and he was carefully placed down on the blanket he'd been using. Once that was done James made his way to Will and yanked the lighter from his hands, lighting the fire himself, teasing the younger for it.

"No problem, I would've felt bad if I didn't help you, it was… um, I'm glad you are feeling better, after breakfast I can check them if you want?" Andy asked, a shy smile on her lips and Ray nodded, deciding that the conversation with James had been all he wanted to deal with on an empty stomach.

Soon the silence was comfortably filled with banter between the siblings? Ray wasn't sure if all of them were siblings but he assumed they were.

His mind kept unhelpfully replaying the events of the early morning; his hands shook so he just wrung them together, fingers anxiously crawling in an effort to relax himself.

He was brought out of his thoughts when a stew of some kind was presented to him; Will's young but calloused hand holding the bowl. Ray glanced at him and quickly took it from him, the look in his eyes too aggressive and similar to the one Mad sometimes wore when he wasn't fast enough on getting his food.

"Hey! This isn't completely inedible, Will, good job!" James called to Will, a teasing smile pulling at his lips; almost as if beckoned, Will sat besides his older brother, huffing when the other ruffled his hair.

"Yeah! You've improved a lot," Andy lightly laughed before she gasped as Will gave her the middle finger, James swiftly smacked him up on the head; Will's satisfied smile remained still.

The conversation drone out around him as he decided what he would do for the day; it had been something Mad taught him, to organize his thoughts and avoid getting sucked into meaningless tasks.

Ray nodded to himself when he mentally jotted down "getting injuries checked out" first; he wouldn't be of much use to anyone if he couldn't move without the risk of infection.

Secondly, he would take stock of the things he had and see if he needed to gather more supplies; he still needed to decide if he would stay but he would do that later.

And last, he would look for Mad, Ray was a positive man, despite what his demeanor showed and, yet, still he felt as though that item would become a regular thing in his mental lists.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got beta'ed by a friend and is already superior in quality, amazing, I shall try to keep the quality up on my own!

**Author's Note:**

> Just saying, people who comment are really cool...


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